I made mention right at the start of Blog Zero that I had just broken up with a girl. That girl’s name was Tinker Bell. She looked just like her, and she was magical in other ways, too: Great in bed, hypersexual, smart, funny, and we generally thought about things in the same way. In other words, she was the perfect girlfriend. But I ended it. For no real reason other than ‘I got bored’. However, it was an amicable break up; she was about 15 years younger than me and she got it. We agreed to be friends and stay in touch:
This blog post is here to explain why someone who had the perfect girlfriend would want that to end. I did mention in that first blog that it took a lot of work to get here; I had to get through some dark days. No need to get into all the details now, but my perspective on things was recently reformulated as I turned 40 and simply realized that life’s too short:
So, to recap, my hair dresser and Neil deGrasse Tyson are two of the most influential people in my life.
Anyway, I know the ladies feel for Litaly, who may be looking for a relationship. Litaly has basically just encountered Western dating’s version of a suicide bomber in me. While I never once informed Litaly of wanting a relationship, her behavior signals overtures that she may be looking to convince me that she should be in one, and she should be in one with me. But my only designs are that:
People have little mementos or keepsakes of things that represent something meaningful, like a collar of a loved pet that died, or an urn. These text messages are my urns. Little reminders of the death of David Shepard versions 1.0 & 2.0, which I keep buried until the occasion calls for me to bring them to light. “Can’t trust anyone”…Jaded much??
This ties strongly into the alpha/beta dynamics, which were profound for me to read, that were, at worst, a way for me to stop repeating past mistakes. Lisa may be thinking that this means I have no heart, but it’s not true.
It’s hard for the girls to not project their own desires for a relationship onto my situation. But, let’s not confuse that my objectives are quite different than theirs. And this is beginning to feel more and more like a cross-examination; I’m not trying to hurt anyone or be this kind of alpha, more just this kind.
The girls I meet are high quality ladies. If I didn’t connect with them on multiple levels, I don’t think I could even connect with them on the sexual level. But, if I find many girls who are great then the value of great also goes down.
Regardless, this has little to do with me wanting a relationship or not: I’m all about self-preservation. For instance, this no-relationship policy of mine helps keep the odds of putting one on the pedestal low.
Meanwhile, the litigation continues:
That’s about as honest as I can be. Any defense mechanisms I’m brandishing are serving a purpose and keeping me protected. David 3.0: Vulnerability down, games up:
Meg finally asks the million-dollar question:
So, what will David 4.0 look like? I have pondered this before, but who knows. What I do know is this:
Now about that Thursday night girlfriend…