The Red Pill

What is the red pill?  I’ll first illustrate it with a recent conversation I had with Lisa and Meg about the laws of dating:



Yes, I was like most guys: A beta male for most of my life.  I bought into the romanticized/feminized view of dating during my teens and 20’s.  I had come down with a terrible case of oneitis, pedestalizing girls simply because that’s what I thought I had to do to get them.  I courted The Wife throughout my marriage, regularly buying her flowers, telling her how beautiful she was, and never realizing how that might have created a drought in my sex life with her.  By the end of our marriage there was more moisture in the Sahara Desert than in her vagina.  The Red Pill (TRP) offered me a framework to understand it all.  It all makes perfect sense now why I was destined to fail in my marriage.

Fast forward to today: I have been single for nearly two years.  Being single at first was kind of anxiety-provoking: For one, I’m not a model.  For two, I was almost 40 at the time and off the market/out of practice for eight years.  In other words, I would have to work to get girls.  But, I haven’t had one shortage of opportunities with very beautiful women during this time.  Why?

Well, first, when the shit hit the fan in my marriage sometime in 2015 I started hitting the gym six-to-seven days a week, lifting weights, eating right, and seeing great results.  I saw the writing on the wall for my marriage and knew I had to be ready.  Plus, lifting was the one thing I felt I could control while my marriage was nosediving into the ground.  It was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In addition to being in great shape, I have a few other things going for me: I’m funny, outgoing, entertaining, smart, and have a great career/business.  I’m also six feet tall, which I never knew was important, but it is.  Oh, I also have this going for me; not just confidence, I literally have no fear.  That’s not me in the video, by the way.  But this is:

I learned about online dating very early on, too (it wasn’t popular when I met Mrs. Wrong).  My bar game and Tinder game are now top notch.  And my balls are not limited to bars, either: Any situation while I’m out is fair game; I know exactly what to say and how to say it.  A girl will know very quickly with me that I’m not an orbiter of their friend zone.

Meeting girls was never the problem; it was when I tried to keep them that it became the problem.

Enter TRP.  TRP is kind of like an online support community for dudes.  It may also mean something political to some people, but I don’t care about that stuff.  For me, it’s just a lens I use to understand women and dating dynamics.

When I first saw TRP on Reddit it was a game changer.  The stories, posts, etc., were must reads.  In fact, I already understood many of the concepts, but seeing them spelled out so concretely right in front of me helped validate a lot of what I knew, and it also helped me to learn what I didn’t, and apply that to why things went wrong, both in my marriage and in a couple of painful dating “instances” afterwards.

The first problem for me was that I never understood my Sexual Market Value (SMV).  This contributed most of all to my oneitis, I believe.  I mean, if I had simply believed I had more options, I wouldn’t settle…or pedestal.  Similarly, while I understood the cardinal rule of relationships, I couldn’t follow its advice.  I was burned badly three times in the last two years, marriage being one of them.  No more.  Today, I’m unplugged and going my own way, trying to follow a few simple rules, and keep my options open.  Oh, and I’m teaching my friends along the way…They’re quick learners!:

And apply these concepts outside the box, too:

That a boy #TRP!

The only question is, will I always be able to keep the TRP swallowed on this 973 dating journey?  I can’t wait to find out.


I’m a divorced dude living and dating in New Jersey. This blog is my story told through a first-person view of my text messages to my friends and/about my dates.