Dial 846337 For Long Distance

September 30, 2017

A long-distance weekend getaway for no particular reason at all.  Cape Cod, Massachusetts is the destination.  I’m going pretty deep in the Cape, nearly all the way to the tip, in fact.  The journey began for me in true David Shepard fashion:

So, with not much time at all, I decided to start my favorite night time routine.  I dialed 846337 on my phone for Tinder.  The Tinder deck was not populated with anything remotely attractive in this area, until I stumbled upon this little belle:

She was hot, her profile statement was funny, and she was giving someone a rear naked choke in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.  What more could you need?  I had to address the issue:

So what exactly is the point of swiping away at a remote location some 250 miles away, you say?  Well, first, a ONS is always a possibility.  But, I literally have one night to pull that off.  These things on the app tend to take a little longer than a night to meet someone.  Chances are, if you ask someone to hang out too soon before they’re comfortable, they’ll think you’re a rapist.  Check.  And it takes a lot of effort to establish that rap(e)port with a girl at first until they’re comfortable meeting a total stranger/rape artist for a drink alone at a bar.  So, with that reasoning in mind, here’s what my blue print is all about:

So, I begin a little schmoozing with the tan blonde:

But, the schmoozing quickly went from winning, to losing, to lost:

I didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about.  I went through the entire deck in that radius and then went for a jog.  I ran through the woods, out to a road, and ran all the way down until I got to the Atlantic Ocean.  The calendar had just turned to October 1st, and I thought the beach looked surreal—it was sunny, warm, and there were zero people on the sand.  I turned around to jog back home and tried one last time to find an even better sight.  To my luck, the deck had repopulated and I found her:

A cute little mom only a hop skip and 1,000,000 jumps away.  We had an instant connection, and a surprising number of things to talk about:


But, it quickly became revealed that I’ll be a short timer on this post-summer day… and I was more than a little surprised by this starlet’s response:

What I’d think would be a total deal breaker for most, happened to be an ideal situation for this one.  So, I proceeded to get to know her.  And what I came to know was pretty interesting:

She has a daughter with the same name as one of my daughters.  She herself also has the same name as my Tuesday night girlfriend.  She herself is also a twisted commitmentphobe:

And I know I’m a unicorn because THIS is exactly why I don’t have a girlfriend:

“You shouldn’t even be on Tinder.” LOL.

All this talk is getting me hot.  If I’m going to be talking to anyone 250 miles away, I’m going to get something out of it.  Fishing in Cape Cod…

Gets me fish:

And the pics started pouring in!  Then I started working on developing a sex dossier on her:

How true that last statement will become.  See ya.


I’m a divorced dude living and dating in New Jersey. This blog is my story told through a first-person view of my text messages to my friends and/about my dates.