Dating at 40 is weird and fun all rolled into one messy evening.
It all starts on the dating apps. THE APPS ARE ALL THE SAME and if you live in a small town like me, it’s the same guys on all different apps. The first thing you need to do is invest in major selfie taking. And I stink at pictures-taking them, posing for them, just the whole thing. Something happens when the camera clicks: my face distorts and it always results in an awful depiction of what I actually look like. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “Wow, you are prettier than your pictures” then I would be very rich. So, you end up taking some average selfies and post them on these dating apps. But, you are not done there. You have to write a pithy, clever description of yourself. It took me 2 weeks to write something that showed I was confident yet approachable, driven yet soft, active yet low maintenance. God this is hard. So now I have selfies and a fantastic profile-I can post. I’m excited now. I am going to start a new adventure. I am going to get myself out there. I am going to meet the man of my dreams!
I think I was delusional. Yeah, definitely delusional.
The first thing I realized is that men who are my age want to date women that are 10-12 years younger than them. And guess what? They can! This means is that the main demographic that I attract are in the 50-55 year old range. Um, no thanks. You have to weed through a lot of lame pick-up lines and requests for nudes to find a decent guy. And then it happens. You connect! The back and forth banter is fun and exciting. You then grant the guy your digits and now you are texting and talking. But since you both have kids, you can’t meet for 12.5 days. No hope for instant gratification.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
My first attempt at on-line dating resulted in 2 men that were 5-6 inches shorter. What they lacked in height they made up for it in arrogance and stupidity.
But then you meet someone who excites and challenges you and there is an instant attraction. You travel far distances to see each other and try to make plans every other week. Until a huge snow storm changes everything and he disappears into the ether.
Then you update your profile or maybe you try a different dating app because maybe it’s not you but the app. Ha-ha
That’s how I met Dan*. I swiped my way through Tinder, expanded my radius, and there he was. He’s cute, has good pictures, good height, AND he has a job. And so the banter begins. Dan gets an A++ in this category. He is clever, well-read, verbose, newly separated and sexual. Here is a newsflash: Sexting exists and runs rampant in this environment. Dan and I build a “relationship” via texts and conversation over the course of a couple weeks. Finally, we set a date. From the moment I walked in there was a crazy attraction. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. It had been so long and I enjoyed every single second of it. We last for 2 drinks and no food. He comes back to my house. I had the most amazing sex that I had ever had. He was sexual, generous, and attentive. We had a blast. Now, this part is interesting. Although we liked each other, and had great sex, we ended it. He wasn’t ready for something serious and I was. We vowed to keep in touch and to this day I call him a great friend. Potentially with benefits when I need them