It really stinks when you meet a great guy but he’s not ready. All divorced people are on different timelines. And these timelines suck.
Some are at the beginning of this journey, where feelings consist of overwhelming sadness, anger, and lust. And there is such intensity to the feelings. But the intensity comes from a lack of intimacy and the feeling of being alone with your current partner. You just want to feel the closeness of another person in some way. We all long for a partner, we long to be wanted and loved. Most of us have gone for a long time without these feelings.
At the beginning, I was scared. I remember being scared to let myself trust. I was scared to have sex with someone that was not my husband. Even though I craved it, I was scared of it. It’s this crazy dichotomy. I finally got to a place where I had to throw myself into it.
We want it but we are scared of it. We are ready for the next step, but terrified to take it. It is safe to stay in our crappy lonely holes. Safe and miserable. The key word is safe. Staying where it is safe allows us to protect ourselves from another hurt.
At this beginning stage, our lives are messy and we are in such turmoil adjusting to our new lives. You hover in the reality of your life and wanting the life you always dreamed about.
Let me introduce you to “great guy”. He is adorable, fun, successful, good person, strong values, good friend, and a good dad. He checks all your boxes and you check all of his. Every time you see him (5 times) you have a blast. You hold hands, exchange longer than normal glances, and sometimes you kiss. The kiss is awesome. You kiss perfectly together. I could kiss him for hours. But, I don’t get hours with him. I am fully aware that he is not ready. I am fully aware of the life that he is managing. I recognize that he can’t give me what I need/want. I want more time and attention. And this is the tragedy of timelines.
After a night of drinking, he tells you of how much he likes you and how much fun he has with you. “Great Guy” tells you what an amazing woman you are. GG also says how he can’t give you what you want because his life is so messy. He says he doesn’t want to hurt you. So, you try to do the right thing and tell him that we won’t talk and reconnect when things are easier. And the last thing I see is his back as he abruptly walks away.